Kreed RevereThe work of healing is learning to separate two questions: What is happening between my child and me? and What is happening inside of me because of it?
Kreed RevereThere's a sentence estranged parents hear that lands like a verdict: you knew better, and you just didn't do better.
Kreed RevereMany parents believe they're helping while unknowingly teaching a child that love is contingent on self-correction. That if they can just be a little less emotional, the relationship will finally feel peaceful. That isn't peace. That's adaptation.
Kreed RevereFitting in asks the child to determine who they need to be in the relationship. Belonging allows the child to remain recognizable to themselves. If fitting in was the price of attachment, learning to belong to oneself may initially require distance.
