Kreed RevereI reflect on what reconciliation and listening to other families have added to my understanding. One practical question follows from that reflection: how does a useful idea become part of the way you respond during estrangement or after reconnection?
Kreed RevereFamilies teach expectations through repeated interactions. A child may learn that disagreeing leads to an argument, that needing help disappoints people, or that being useful secures their place. Those lessons can follow a person into adulthood.
Kreed RevereIf shame worked, estrangement wouldn't exist. In order to repair, you need curiosity, which is slower than shame. It's also the only one of the two that's ever actually worked.
Kreed RevereAdvice says: I already know what this means and what you should do. Curiosity says: help me understand what this is like for you.
