Kreed RevereIf shame worked, estrangement wouldn't exist. In order to repair, you need curiosity, which is slower than shame. It's also the only one of the two that's ever actually worked.
Kreed RevereFitting in asks the child to determine who they need to be in the relationship. Belonging allows the child to remain recognizable to themselves. If fitting in was the price of attachment, learning to belong to oneself may initially require distance.
Kreed RevereFinding the right words isn't finding the perfect sentence. It's noticing the moment your body reaches for one, and getting curious about it instead of either grabbing for it or shaming yourself for wanting it.
Kreed RevereRather than asking, "Why doesn't my adult child need me anymore?" perhaps we should begin asking, "What can I offer that cannot be found anywhere else?" The answer isn't information. It's relationship.
